My awesome little sister let me write a guest post on her blog, "anything once." I wrote about driving on the boardwalk at the beach for the first time because I've never done that before. Lifeguards are the only people who get to do that in California, so Virginia now has one thing that they do better than California.
Here's the link:
http://fazawesome.blogspot.com/2010/11/guest-post-3-driving-on-boardwalk-at.html
Monday, November 22, 2010
Saturday, November 6, 2010
2 Slightly Embarrassing Stories
I decided to join eharmony again last month because there hasn't really been a way to meet single guys around here. This means that I've gone on a couple of dates in the past month and here are two stories to make the 4 of you who read this laugh at me. I want to clarify that they're not actually super-embarrassing, but I'm hoping you'll be able to visualize.
Story 1:
I met a guy from eharmony at Panchero's for the first time on Wednesday. I had gone to Kohl's right before to: (a) put on a little bit of makeup because what I had applied that morning had mostly disappeared from my face and (b) go to the bathroom. We went into the restaurant, we're standing in line trying to figure out what to order, he looks down and says, "... you have something on your shoe." Yep, there was a trail of toilet paper on my shoe that I brought over from Kohl's on accident. I said, "Oh... that's awkward and that's never happened to me," then threw it in the trash.
Story 2 (this one made my roommate, Cara, snort):
I hung out with the same guy and two of his friends last night who are boyfriend and girlfriend. I felt like things went pretty well, but there were times when I felt like I was on a job interview. I don't think there's any way to avoid feeling that way when three people already know each other and they want to get to know one new person.
When they were about to leave, they said they were going to get a movie from Redbox and I thought they said they were going to get Starbucks. I said, "There's a Starbucks in the Barnes and Noble down the street, so that one's probably the closest." Then she said, "Oh, I like coffee," or something like that and he said something about liking Starbucks, too. This made me about 99.7% sure that they hadn't said something about going to Starbucks. I may as well have said, "I used to have a Yorkie" or "Transylvania really isn't that scary." I mumbled something like, "Oh... I thought I heard you saying something about Starbucks," but I don't think they heard me.
In conclusion, accidental non-sequiturs are awkward.
Story 1:
I met a guy from eharmony at Panchero's for the first time on Wednesday. I had gone to Kohl's right before to: (a) put on a little bit of makeup because what I had applied that morning had mostly disappeared from my face and (b) go to the bathroom. We went into the restaurant, we're standing in line trying to figure out what to order, he looks down and says, "... you have something on your shoe." Yep, there was a trail of toilet paper on my shoe that I brought over from Kohl's on accident. I said, "Oh... that's awkward and that's never happened to me," then threw it in the trash.
Story 2 (this one made my roommate, Cara, snort):
I hung out with the same guy and two of his friends last night who are boyfriend and girlfriend. I felt like things went pretty well, but there were times when I felt like I was on a job interview. I don't think there's any way to avoid feeling that way when three people already know each other and they want to get to know one new person.
When they were about to leave, they said they were going to get a movie from Redbox and I thought they said they were going to get Starbucks. I said, "There's a Starbucks in the Barnes and Noble down the street, so that one's probably the closest." Then she said, "Oh, I like coffee," or something like that and he said something about liking Starbucks, too. This made me about 99.7% sure that they hadn't said something about going to Starbucks. I may as well have said, "I used to have a Yorkie" or "Transylvania really isn't that scary." I mumbled something like, "Oh... I thought I heard you saying something about Starbucks," but I don't think they heard me.
In conclusion, accidental non-sequiturs are awkward.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Who's nosy?... this girl.
I went to Barnes & Noble the other night because I wanted to read more of "Cold Tangerines," by Shauna Niequist. While I was waiting for my peppermint hot chocolate, I noticed two men talking to each other at one of the tables. One was a guy in his mid-late 20's who had his Bible out in front of him and the other was probably in his 50's somewhere. The 50-something one looked like he had lived a hard life and it seemed obvious that the younger guy wasn't his son. I was pretty sure the only reason they were hanging out at the B & N Starbucks was because the younger guy wanted to witness to the older man about Christ.
*Spoiler alert*... I was right.
Since I knew what was probably happening, I sat two tables over to hear their actual conversation. I really did try to focus on my book, but that ended up being too difficult because of what I could hear. 20-ish did a lot of talking and 50-ish seemed to be getting more and more annoyed with what he was saying. I was getting annoyed with what he was saying, too, even though it seemed like his life had been similar to mine. 50 was saying he just wasn't sure whether he could believe in God because of the things that have happened in his life. He also said something about Christians being hypocritical, which was another reason why he had trouble putting his faith in Jesus Christ. 20 made the point that he can only put his confidence in God because life's circumstances are temporary.
The thing that bothered me while I was listening to the two of them was how obviously different their life stories were. 20 talked about how he had been a Christian since he was 4; he's currently in seminary; he had been madly in love with a girl in college, but she dumped him and he realized his hope could only be in Christ; he sins, just like everyone else and, "even felt lust while he was on his way to Barnes & Noble today." I'm pretty sure 50 didn't even have a car because he asked 20 to drop him off somewhere when they were about to leave the store.
My point in writing about this is to give my opinion on what should have happened. I've heard it said many times, "Your greatest area of brokenness can become your greatest ministry." 20's areas of brokenness weren't nearly the same as 50's and I'm pretty sure that's the reason why 50 seemed so closed off. 20 needs to be sharing his story with high school and college students who are more likely to relate to what he's saying. It would have been great if 20 knew someone with a similar story to 50's and had asked that person to talk to him about Jesus. I think 50 would have been a lot more open to hearing from someone who had struggled financially or who had been through drugs, alcoholism, a difficult marriage, etc. (I don't know if those had been his problems, but, like I said... he seemed to have lived a hard life).
This is what I took from eavesdropping on that conversation: everyone has a story and they should share it with people. In doing so, they can connect others who have similar stories and allow them to relate to each other. I guess that's the thing that bothered me about what 20 was doing... I didn't hear him ask 50 any questions about what he had been through in life and it just sounded like he was preaching at him. If he had asked questions and seemed interested in the answers, he could have had the opportunity to point 50 toward people who had gone through similar circumstances. In turn, those people could have related to 50 and pointed him toward Jesus.
*Spoiler alert*... I was right.
Since I knew what was probably happening, I sat two tables over to hear their actual conversation. I really did try to focus on my book, but that ended up being too difficult because of what I could hear. 20-ish did a lot of talking and 50-ish seemed to be getting more and more annoyed with what he was saying. I was getting annoyed with what he was saying, too, even though it seemed like his life had been similar to mine. 50 was saying he just wasn't sure whether he could believe in God because of the things that have happened in his life. He also said something about Christians being hypocritical, which was another reason why he had trouble putting his faith in Jesus Christ. 20 made the point that he can only put his confidence in God because life's circumstances are temporary.
The thing that bothered me while I was listening to the two of them was how obviously different their life stories were. 20 talked about how he had been a Christian since he was 4; he's currently in seminary; he had been madly in love with a girl in college, but she dumped him and he realized his hope could only be in Christ; he sins, just like everyone else and, "even felt lust while he was on his way to Barnes & Noble today." I'm pretty sure 50 didn't even have a car because he asked 20 to drop him off somewhere when they were about to leave the store.
My point in writing about this is to give my opinion on what should have happened. I've heard it said many times, "Your greatest area of brokenness can become your greatest ministry." 20's areas of brokenness weren't nearly the same as 50's and I'm pretty sure that's the reason why 50 seemed so closed off. 20 needs to be sharing his story with high school and college students who are more likely to relate to what he's saying. It would have been great if 20 knew someone with a similar story to 50's and had asked that person to talk to him about Jesus. I think 50 would have been a lot more open to hearing from someone who had struggled financially or who had been through drugs, alcoholism, a difficult marriage, etc. (I don't know if those had been his problems, but, like I said... he seemed to have lived a hard life).
This is what I took from eavesdropping on that conversation: everyone has a story and they should share it with people. In doing so, they can connect others who have similar stories and allow them to relate to each other. I guess that's the thing that bothered me about what 20 was doing... I didn't hear him ask 50 any questions about what he had been through in life and it just sounded like he was preaching at him. If he had asked questions and seemed interested in the answers, he could have had the opportunity to point 50 toward people who had gone through similar circumstances. In turn, those people could have related to 50 and pointed him toward Jesus.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Broken
The last time I blogged, I was writing about a conversation I had at the plasma center about brokenness. That led me to believe that I should write about the things that have been breaking me in the past year or so. I'm sure it will be difficult to write, but it should also be worth it.
I would say that all of this started happening in October 2009. Looking back, this makes sense because these things started happening when I moved to Virginia from Kentucky. Living in Kentucky was probably the most spiritually transforming year of my life and I didn't take the time to be aware of the possibility of spiritual attack when I moved from there. I was aware of the fact that I'd be depressed and I'd miss Kentucky, but I didn't think about being vulnerable to spiritual warfare.
I moved to Virginia with the intent of living near Jeff and Emily and becoming a professional foster parent. In order to become a foster parent, I needed to earn more money than I owed, then I needed to quit that job once they had matched me with a child. I took on a full-time babysitting job in Yorktown (45 minutes away) in order to meet the income requirement. I was upfront with the family about what I was doing and told them I'd give them 1 month's notice once I was matched with a child. I went to the foster parent trainings for about 2 weeks and realized that I wasn't in the right state of mind to start caring for a child with severe emotional disturbance. I was a wreck because of leaving Kentucky and didn't think it would be the right time to start taking care of a kid like that.
I quit the foster parent classes and started looking for a "real" job. I found one as a supervisor at a place for adults with disabilities. I had a very bad feeling about that job because it was very similar to the supervisory position at my first job at Project Independence. I had always refused to take that particular job because I knew how stressful it was, but here I was in Virginia and thinking it would be different from the one in California. I quit the babysitting job to take that one, which made the mom mad at me for only giving two weeks' notice. She kept saying that she was going to send my check for the last week of employment in the mail, but that never happened.
My gut feeling about the "real" job was accurate and I was completely miserable because my gifts don't lie in administrative or supervisory tasks. The straw that broke the camel's back was when some morphine was missing from one of the ladies who was receiving hospice care. We all suspected that one particular employee had taken it, but there wasn't enough proof that it was her.
I also got a reckless driving ticket on my way back to Kentucky for Thanksgiving. I didn't know how bad that was until I called my mom and she told me, "You could have been arrested for that." Two months later, I went to court in Lexington, VA (3 1/2 hours away) and was charged with reckless driving, which is a misdemeanor. I got home that night to a note on my door from my landlord stating that the Directv dish wasn't allowed to be attached to my apartment building. This was also the month that my car radio and my sister's laptop had broken (it got a virus while I was borrowing it), so I felt like losing TV was going to put me into a bubble. I sat on the couch, cried for a half hour about everything breaking, felt all alone in the world, and also felt very aware of God's presence.
They weren't able to find a new place for the Directv dish and they told me that I owed them $440. This was because it had been installed and it was the remaining balance on my 2 year contract. I lost it again because I didn't have $440 to throw around on TV that I wasn't getting. I went back and forth with them a few times and was put on hold a lot. They finally reversed the charge when they found they hadn't had written permission from my landlord to install it in the first place.
Soon after that ordeal, I got up the nerve to quit my job. I felt terrible about it, but I knew it was better to quit soon after realizing I wasn't cut out for the job. I had no idea about what I was going to do, but was actually able to trust that God would provide the right job (something I should have done the first time around). Everything in my life was a gigantic question mark and I was lonely, depressed, miserable, etc.. I had never felt so alone and hopeless before, so all I really wanted was to sleep or be in heaven with Jesus. I knew that I needed help, but was so far gone at that point that I didn't have the strength or the energy to look for counseling.
Instead, I ended up talking on the phone every other night with a guy who had e-mailed me on eharmony and having long conversations with him. I was excited at the time because I had never talked that long on the phone with anyone and I thought this could be something different. For the first time, I chose not to analyze this guy that I was interested in because there didn't seem to be any red flags. He loved Jesus, had a job as a student ministries pastor, loved his family, was living where he'd settle down, and eharmony said we were compatible... what else did I need to worry about?
He ended up dumping me in order to pursue a girl who was 9 years younger and had a boyfriend. Said dumping occurred after I had gone grocery shopping with him that night at Walmart and watched the Dallas Mavericks game with him... in his house... 45 minutes away from my house... 10 hours before I was going to interview for any special education teaching job. I tossed and turned all night with the thoughts, "I'm so mad, I'm so angry... I HATE DALLAS!" repeating in my head. I kept thinking about how I needed to get some sleep because my interview was hours away, but sleep never came. I tried to eat something for breakfast, but the only thing that sounded good was Jell-o. I went to the interview after being up for 25 hours and with pretty much no food in my stomach. It lasted for about an hour, but I didn't feel great about how it went. Especially because I had to ask them to repeat a few questions when I couldn't grasp them or answer well on the first try.
I got the rejection letter from them a few weeks ago and it's official that I didn't get to go back to teaching this fall. I'm okay with this because I love doing ABA therapy and didn't really want to quit working at B.E.S.T.. I just thought that teaching was going to be an option when September came around.
Since my hours at B.E.S.T. have fluctuated so much, I've been taking on babysitting jobs to make ends meet. I've been on sittercity.com and have gotten to babysit for quite a few nice families. One of the moms had requested a background check for me (she did this for everyone and it had been almost 1 year since my last one). It came back with 2 case numbers from Orange County and said, "Charges: Not Provided." Sittercity sent out an e-mail to every person who had contacted me or saved my information that said something like, "do not contact this person because they have violated our terms of use," and then kicked me off their website.
I looked up the case numbers and they were from my brake lights being out- once in 2004 and once in 2007. I disputed the claim because my brake lights being out shouldn't affect my ability to work with children. They figured out they were wrong and allowed me back on the website. Of course, they didn't send out an e-mail to tell everyone that my background check had cleared. They just put my profile back up as if nothing had happened.
Then, in the past 2 weeks, I backed into a car in a mini mall and I got a speeding ticket. The speeding ticket led to him telling me that I need to register my car in Virginia. This would be fine, except for the fact that my car has been on the brink of death recently and has to be inspected in order to be registered. I'm sure they're going to have a laundry list of repairs when I take it in :(.
Those are the random, bad things that have happened in my life since last year. They keep happening and probably won't stop until I'm broken again. The lessons I've learned through all of them, though, are that God takes care of me and He's allowed these things to happen for a reason.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Conversation at the Plasma Center
I have been attempting to donate plasma at different points during the past couple of months and this is what happened there about a month ago. I was sitting in the bed with the book, "Christianish," by Mark Steele in my lap. I had turned it over to make sure that no one could see the title, just in case I flipped out or got mean while being stuck with a needle. As I was sitting there, needle in my arm, book in my lap, and trying to watch the recap on ESPN of the Lakers winning the NBA Finals, they brought a guy over to the bed next to mine. Here's a synopsis of what happened:
Josh: What book are you reading?
Jenna: It's called, "Christianish"... it's one I've already read, but this guy is a really funny writer and I figured it would help the time pass quickly while I waited here.
Josh: Can I see it?
Jenna (passing it over to him): Sure!
Josh (taking the time to read the back of the book): Is this about holiness or something?
Jenna: It's more about the things the writer has been through and how he's lived out his faith during those times.
Josh started thumbing through the book, so I figured he was actually interested in what it was about. I told him, "Here, you should read this chapter because it's really funny." I usually hate it when people ask me to read something that's good or funny in front of them, but I felt confident that he really would think it was hilarious.
I turned it to the chapter that is about his sons' reactions to pain in life. He wrote about how his sons, Jackson and Charlie, got into trouble one night for lying about playing with their toys when they should have been in bed an hour before. He told them they were going to get spankings and witnessed a major difference in their reactions. Jackson became very upset and was going to do anything to avoid getting spanked. Some quotes of his while he was about to get spanked were:
"I MUST HAVE A GLASS OF WATER FIRST! I'M THIIIIIRSTY!"
"NOW I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!"
"YOU CAN'T SPANK ME BECAUSE I'LL PEE! I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM FIRST!"
and my personal favorite... "YOU'LL WHACK THE PEE OUT OF ME!"
The kid became so upset about getting spanked that he ended up vomiting because of his anxiety. Once it was over, though, he was fine. He felt bad about breaking his parents' rules and knew that the spanking was a consequence from that.
Charlie, on the other hand, is quite charming and covers up how he feels about getting spanked. My favorite part is the conversation that occurs between his mom and him.
Charlie: I'm not gonna do anyfing Jackson is doing when I go get MY spanking.
Kaysie: You're not, huh?
Charlie: Nope, I'm gonna walk wight in and jus' get spanked.
Kaysie: That's a good idea, Charlie.
Charlie: I do not wike it when Daddy spanks me.
Kaysie: I'll bet you don't.
Charlie: I wike it when you spank me.
Kaysie (nonchalantly): Oh really? Why?
Charlie: Because when Daddy spanks me, it hurts- but when you spank me, it does not...
I pwobably should not have told you dat.
Kaysie: Tell you what, son. From now on we'll let Daddy do all your spankings.
Charlie (sighing): Yep. I definitewy should not have told you dat.
Josh was laughing out loud at certain points during the chapter, so I knew he was enjoying it. He even read one part to a nurse who was walking by because he thought it was so funny. When he was finished with the chapter, he handed it back to me and said something along the lines of, "It's true. There are so many Christians who cover up what they're going through and they don't let their real feelings show." I told him that I agreed because there have been a lot of times in my life when I've pretended that everything was all right, instead of allowing myself to be honest about how I feel. I didn't get to say much more to him because I was finished with my donation, but I was glad that we had talked to each other and that I got to share that book with him.
I guess the moral of the story is that people who aren't Christians are more likely to listen to a Jackson than a Charlie because the Jackson's of the world are willing to be honest about their feelings toward difficult situations.
Josh: What book are you reading?
Jenna: It's called, "Christianish"... it's one I've already read, but this guy is a really funny writer and I figured it would help the time pass quickly while I waited here.
Josh: Can I see it?
Jenna (passing it over to him): Sure!
Josh (taking the time to read the back of the book): Is this about holiness or something?
Jenna: It's more about the things the writer has been through and how he's lived out his faith during those times.
Josh started thumbing through the book, so I figured he was actually interested in what it was about. I told him, "Here, you should read this chapter because it's really funny." I usually hate it when people ask me to read something that's good or funny in front of them, but I felt confident that he really would think it was hilarious.
I turned it to the chapter that is about his sons' reactions to pain in life. He wrote about how his sons, Jackson and Charlie, got into trouble one night for lying about playing with their toys when they should have been in bed an hour before. He told them they were going to get spankings and witnessed a major difference in their reactions. Jackson became very upset and was going to do anything to avoid getting spanked. Some quotes of his while he was about to get spanked were:
"I MUST HAVE A GLASS OF WATER FIRST! I'M THIIIIIRSTY!"
"NOW I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!"
"YOU CAN'T SPANK ME BECAUSE I'LL PEE! I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM FIRST!"
and my personal favorite... "YOU'LL WHACK THE PEE OUT OF ME!"
The kid became so upset about getting spanked that he ended up vomiting because of his anxiety. Once it was over, though, he was fine. He felt bad about breaking his parents' rules and knew that the spanking was a consequence from that.
Charlie, on the other hand, is quite charming and covers up how he feels about getting spanked. My favorite part is the conversation that occurs between his mom and him.
Charlie: I'm not gonna do anyfing Jackson is doing when I go get MY spanking.
Kaysie: You're not, huh?
Charlie: Nope, I'm gonna walk wight in and jus' get spanked.
Kaysie: That's a good idea, Charlie.
Charlie: I do not wike it when Daddy spanks me.
Kaysie: I'll bet you don't.
Charlie: I wike it when you spank me.
Kaysie (nonchalantly): Oh really? Why?
Charlie: Because when Daddy spanks me, it hurts- but when you spank me, it does not...
I pwobably should not have told you dat.
Kaysie: Tell you what, son. From now on we'll let Daddy do all your spankings.
Charlie (sighing): Yep. I definitewy should not have told you dat.
Josh was laughing out loud at certain points during the chapter, so I knew he was enjoying it. He even read one part to a nurse who was walking by because he thought it was so funny. When he was finished with the chapter, he handed it back to me and said something along the lines of, "It's true. There are so many Christians who cover up what they're going through and they don't let their real feelings show." I told him that I agreed because there have been a lot of times in my life when I've pretended that everything was all right, instead of allowing myself to be honest about how I feel. I didn't get to say much more to him because I was finished with my donation, but I was glad that we had talked to each other and that I got to share that book with him.
I guess the moral of the story is that people who aren't Christians are more likely to listen to a Jackson than a Charlie because the Jackson's of the world are willing to be honest about their feelings toward difficult situations.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Sweet Victory!
Last night, Emmy and I watched the Lakers win the NBA Finals for the 2nd year in a row and it was glorious. The reason I'm writing this, though, is because of the random events surrounding the game...
I texted her to see if she wanted to watch the game at Applebee's because they have a sweet ice cream cookie sandwich and it would be nice to watch it with a lot of people around. I also knew that they'd be playing the game there because Kim and Jenny had been kind enough to watch it with me when they came to visit a couple of weeks ago. She wrote back and said that she'd rather watch it in the Student Center at Regent in order to keep from spending money. I was about 14% disappointed because I figured that no one else would be watching the game there, but I was 86% okay with it because it meant that I wouldn't be spending money, either.
I got to the Student Center at exactly 9pm and there was a man who was probably in his mid-late 50's who had the TV on. I was worried for a second that he wasn't watching the game and asked, "You're going to be watching the game, right?" (thinking back, it's not like he seemed the SYTYCD type.) He said that he was going to be watching the game, then asked if I was rooting for the Celtics or Lakers. I told him that I was wanting the Lakers to win because I'm from California and he immediately told me that he was a Celtics fan. He was quite the talker and I started to think that it was going to be a rough night.
During the 3rd and 4th quarters, he started coaching the Celtics from his seat on the couch at Regent. Some lines yelled at the TV by him:
- "You need to get out there and coach, Doc! They're tired and they need someone to coach them right now!"
- "Don't pass it to Ray Allen! He's ice cold and missing everything!"
- "See! They're all afraid to shoot and that's why they're not winning!"
Emily texted me at one point during all of this to say, "this guy miiiight drive me nuts." I laughed and made sure not to read that aloud (thank you, Miss Kim, for teaching me that last year).
During the span of the game, a few other people showed up. There were 2 cops, Tyrone and Dave. Tyrone is a Lakers fan and was excited to watch for awhile. Dave doesn't care about basketball, but he was nice enough to bring candy back for us from someone's office. Then, Mike (another Lakers fan) came in with a pizza from Little Caesar's and shared it with us. He said to just make sure to leave 2 slices for him. After that, he insisted on getting waters for us from somewhere, which was very kind. Jeff and Buster also got there at some point during the game and I think the Celtics fan was kind of annoyed by Buster. That, of course, made Buster want to be near him during the rest of the game. The night ended up being more eventful than expected, we got free food, we met new people, and the Lakers won!
I texted her to see if she wanted to watch the game at Applebee's because they have a sweet ice cream cookie sandwich and it would be nice to watch it with a lot of people around. I also knew that they'd be playing the game there because Kim and Jenny had been kind enough to watch it with me when they came to visit a couple of weeks ago. She wrote back and said that she'd rather watch it in the Student Center at Regent in order to keep from spending money. I was about 14% disappointed because I figured that no one else would be watching the game there, but I was 86% okay with it because it meant that I wouldn't be spending money, either.
I got to the Student Center at exactly 9pm and there was a man who was probably in his mid-late 50's who had the TV on. I was worried for a second that he wasn't watching the game and asked, "You're going to be watching the game, right?" (thinking back, it's not like he seemed the SYTYCD type.) He said that he was going to be watching the game, then asked if I was rooting for the Celtics or Lakers. I told him that I was wanting the Lakers to win because I'm from California and he immediately told me that he was a Celtics fan. He was quite the talker and I started to think that it was going to be a rough night.
During the 3rd and 4th quarters, he started coaching the Celtics from his seat on the couch at Regent. Some lines yelled at the TV by him:
- "You need to get out there and coach, Doc! They're tired and they need someone to coach them right now!"
- "Don't pass it to Ray Allen! He's ice cold and missing everything!"
- "See! They're all afraid to shoot and that's why they're not winning!"
Emily texted me at one point during all of this to say, "this guy miiiight drive me nuts." I laughed and made sure not to read that aloud (thank you, Miss Kim, for teaching me that last year).
During the span of the game, a few other people showed up. There were 2 cops, Tyrone and Dave. Tyrone is a Lakers fan and was excited to watch for awhile. Dave doesn't care about basketball, but he was nice enough to bring candy back for us from someone's office. Then, Mike (another Lakers fan) came in with a pizza from Little Caesar's and shared it with us. He said to just make sure to leave 2 slices for him. After that, he insisted on getting waters for us from somewhere, which was very kind. Jeff and Buster also got there at some point during the game and I think the Celtics fan was kind of annoyed by Buster. That, of course, made Buster want to be near him during the rest of the game. The night ended up being more eventful than expected, we got free food, we met new people, and the Lakers won!
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Goals
I found an old journal entry from 10/31/2001 entitled, "Things I Want To Do In My Life." I wrote down the goals that I had for my life and kind of forgot about it after that... on another note, I think it also shows my love of Halloween since I spent that evening writing in my journal, instead of trick-or-treating or hanging out with friends. Here's what I wrote and here's what has actually happened in the past 9 years:
Goal: Take a road trip by myself.
Reality: I've taken quite a few road trips by myself now. The longest one being from California to Kentucky with stops in Tuscon, AZ; Midland, TX; Dallas, TX; and middle of nowhere, AR. Unfortunately, I didn't take the time to stop at places like Graceland and the world's biggest ball of twine.
Goal: Write a book about the people that I talked to on my road trip.
Reality: I didn't do it and I should have when I had the opportunity.
Goal: Take lessons of some kind (I'm thinking piano, hip hop, karate, or ballet).
Reality: I took a hip hop class and plan to again. I got a piano for my 25th birthday and played it almost every day for 3 years until moving to Kentucky.
Goal: Take a cruise to a tropical island.
Reality: I took a cruise to Cabo San Lucas and Ensenada with Andrea.
Goal: Be a camp counselor at Hume Lake for an entire summer.
Reality: I was a camp counselor for 1 week per summer at Royal Family Kids' Camp for 4 years and 1 week at Camp Shawnee last year.
Goal: Become a guidance counselor for my career.
Reality: Became a special ed. teacher for my career and may go back to it eventually.
Goal: Become a missionary in a foreign country for 1 summer (0r maybe longer).
Reality: Went to Haiti for 3 weeks and held babies. Volunteered in Kentucky for one amazingly magical year.
Goal: Have a really cute dog.
Reality: I have to settle for a cute nephew-puppy until I have the space for my own dog.
Goal: Have season tickets for the Lakers.
Reality: I apparently thought I was going to be independently wealthy when I was 21... I'm okay with watching them win the Finals on TV every year, though.
Goal: Find the man of my dreams and marry him.
Reality: I know that will happen.
Goal: Possibly being a foster mother.
Reality: I came very close, but chickened out when I thought about how much responsibility it was. It was also at the time when I realized that I needed to take time to grieve leaving Kentucky and volunteering.
Goal: Volunteer at a hospital and play games with the kids who are sick.
Reality: This didn't happen, but I was Cameron's CASA for 4 years and I wouldn't change that for anything.
Goal: Be a sponsor in a youth group and be able to join them for any of their activities.
Reality: I've helped out with youth group activities at Essential, but not to the extent that I could.
Goal: Live in a nice place with a swimming pool.
Reality: I've lived in 4 places with them.
I think everyone should make a list of their goals occasionally because it's really fun to look back and see what's actually happened.
Goal: Take a road trip by myself.
Reality: I've taken quite a few road trips by myself now. The longest one being from California to Kentucky with stops in Tuscon, AZ; Midland, TX; Dallas, TX; and middle of nowhere, AR. Unfortunately, I didn't take the time to stop at places like Graceland and the world's biggest ball of twine.
Goal: Write a book about the people that I talked to on my road trip.
Reality: I didn't do it and I should have when I had the opportunity.
Goal: Take lessons of some kind (I'm thinking piano, hip hop, karate, or ballet).
Reality: I took a hip hop class and plan to again. I got a piano for my 25th birthday and played it almost every day for 3 years until moving to Kentucky.
Goal: Take a cruise to a tropical island.
Reality: I took a cruise to Cabo San Lucas and Ensenada with Andrea.
Goal: Be a camp counselor at Hume Lake for an entire summer.
Reality: I was a camp counselor for 1 week per summer at Royal Family Kids' Camp for 4 years and 1 week at Camp Shawnee last year.
Goal: Become a guidance counselor for my career.
Reality: Became a special ed. teacher for my career and may go back to it eventually.
Goal: Become a missionary in a foreign country for 1 summer (0r maybe longer).
Reality: Went to Haiti for 3 weeks and held babies. Volunteered in Kentucky for one amazingly magical year.
Goal: Have a really cute dog.
Reality: I have to settle for a cute nephew-puppy until I have the space for my own dog.
Goal: Have season tickets for the Lakers.
Reality: I apparently thought I was going to be independently wealthy when I was 21... I'm okay with watching them win the Finals on TV every year, though.
Goal: Find the man of my dreams and marry him.
Reality: I know that will happen.
Goal: Possibly being a foster mother.
Reality: I came very close, but chickened out when I thought about how much responsibility it was. It was also at the time when I realized that I needed to take time to grieve leaving Kentucky and volunteering.
Goal: Volunteer at a hospital and play games with the kids who are sick.
Reality: This didn't happen, but I was Cameron's CASA for 4 years and I wouldn't change that for anything.
Goal: Be a sponsor in a youth group and be able to join them for any of their activities.
Reality: I've helped out with youth group activities at Essential, but not to the extent that I could.
Goal: Live in a nice place with a swimming pool.
Reality: I've lived in 4 places with them.
I think everyone should make a list of their goals occasionally because it's really fun to look back and see what's actually happened.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Consecration
I started to read "The Christian's Secret of a Happy Life," by Hannah Whitall Smith yesterday. I've owned that book for at least 5 years and a ton of authors reference it in their books, but I had never taken the time to try to understand it until now (it was written in 1870, which is probably why I never gave it much of a chance). In one of the chapters, she talks about consecration and gives a wonderful example about it. Her explanation was that if a doctor was trying to cure a patient's illness, the patient would have to trust the doctor completely. It couldn't be that the patient isn't telling the doctor all of their symptoms or that they decide to take some, but not all, of the medications the doctor prescribes. The patient needs to tell the doctor everything that is going on in their body and follow all of the doctor's instructions in order to get better. Her main point was, "God must have the whole case put into His hands, and His directions must be implicitly followed." Not a little bit of it, not some of it, but ALL of it.
She goes on to explain how scared Christians are of giving everything over to God because they are afraid He'll make them miserable. She gave the example of a mother with her child and asked what it would look like if her child chose to obey everything that she asked of him because he trusted her completely. She asked the mom, "Would you say to yourself, 'Ah, now I shall have a chance to make Charley miserable. I will take away all his pleasures and compel him to do that which is impossible." The mom said she wouldn't say that at all because she loves her son and only wants the best for him. God wants the best for His children, even more than that mom wants the best for her son, and He would not do anything to harm us.
All of this made me think about the fact that something in my life always falls apart when I sing the words to "Take My Life" and truly mean them. Especially the phrase, "Take my life and let it be consecrated, Lord, to thee." Even when I'm singing it, I realize that something bad is going to happen soon, but I know those are the times when I truly mean those words. That song came on my iPod last week as I was driving to Elizabeth City. I sang along with it wholeheartedly and T.J. broke up with me later that night. I've felt pretty upset about it, but I'm also very confident that God prepared me for what was going to happen by having me sing along with that song. He's showing me that all of this is because He loves me and wants to protect me.
As I've thought about it more, the areas in my life that need to be consecrated to the Lord are my love life, my jobs, finances, where I should live, and how I should be serving others. All of it needs to belong to Him and it does not belong in my hands anymore.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Time to count my blessings
I borrowed Season 3 of Gilmore Girls from Emily on Saturday because I'm a little tired of watching Ally McBeal and HIMYM. I have seen all of this particular season before, but I didn't remember any of the story lines. Anyway, Lorelai's or "Mimi's" monologue hit very close to home and even caused me to tear up. Right now, I absolutely feel the same way that she does, but I have to realize that all of this is for the best.
I also need to follow Luke's advice and think of the things in my life that I do have. I have an amazing, supportive family who love me unconditionally and pray for me. I have close friendships with Kim, Jenny, and Jess that have continued since volunteering in Kentucky together. I know that God led me to Essential Church because of building relationships with the people in our "Crazy Love" small group and getting to work with the preschoolers. I have a couple of jobs that I love because of getting to work with kids and still being able to do teaching. When Caitlin, one of the kids that I babysit for, runs out of the house to hug me and say, "Jenna, I missed you!" because I haven't seen her in 4 days, it's an awesome feeling. The bottom line is that I am loved and I will continue to love others.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Joy needs to be the theme.
I've been pretty upset over the past couple of days because I got rejected by a guy who I thought was going to be different than the other ones that I've been interested in. This has left a huge knot of anger in my stomach because of bottling up my emotions. I knew that I needed to cry about it today or it was going to end up being damaging to my health.
I was having trouble thinking of anything that could make me cry until I remembered the book that Emily had given to me for Christmas one year. She gave me "Chicken Soup for Jenna's Soul" and filled it with stories that various loved ones had written about things they had learned during their lives. My favorite story in there is the one that my dad had written called, "My First Daughter." I've read that one often and it's pretty much guaranteed to make me cry. I read through the majority of it and I still wasn't crying until I read the last paragraph when he wrote, "Every night, I pray for Jenna and her sister, that their relationships with God would be so good and close that nothing could steal their joy and hope." Joy and hope are the two things that I've been thinking about the most since this happened on Tuesday night. I don't have a lot of hope right now because I did think that things were going to be different with this guy and it's hard to think that I will have to look for someone else again.
The other part of the joy theme is that I was reading through old journal entries on Tuesday afternoon and I came across one where I had written down a quote from Ben Patterson. He said, "Joy is what you experience when you're grateful for the grace that God has given to you." I remember hearing him say that during a sermon at St. Andrew's and completely agreeing with him because he was saying that none of our circumstances in life matter if we're thinking about what Jesus did by dying on the cross. Then I realized that some sort of bad circumstance was going to happen soon and that God was giving me that quote to lean on when the time came.
The next day, Hunter called to tell me that he was moving back to Dallas. I just remember feeling so heartbroken because we had been on that missions trip to Blaine, KY the week before and it had seemed like there was something between the two of us while we were there. Plus, the kids in the youth group kept saying that we should be together. My point is that God prepared me on that Sunday night for some bad news and I'm certain that he prepared me again for this past Tuesday night.
Now I just need to cry a little bit more and actually feel something. After that, I'm completely ready to return to having joy and hope.
I was having trouble thinking of anything that could make me cry until I remembered the book that Emily had given to me for Christmas one year. She gave me "Chicken Soup for Jenna's Soul" and filled it with stories that various loved ones had written about things they had learned during their lives. My favorite story in there is the one that my dad had written called, "My First Daughter." I've read that one often and it's pretty much guaranteed to make me cry. I read through the majority of it and I still wasn't crying until I read the last paragraph when he wrote, "Every night, I pray for Jenna and her sister, that their relationships with God would be so good and close that nothing could steal their joy and hope." Joy and hope are the two things that I've been thinking about the most since this happened on Tuesday night. I don't have a lot of hope right now because I did think that things were going to be different with this guy and it's hard to think that I will have to look for someone else again.
The other part of the joy theme is that I was reading through old journal entries on Tuesday afternoon and I came across one where I had written down a quote from Ben Patterson. He said, "Joy is what you experience when you're grateful for the grace that God has given to you." I remember hearing him say that during a sermon at St. Andrew's and completely agreeing with him because he was saying that none of our circumstances in life matter if we're thinking about what Jesus did by dying on the cross. Then I realized that some sort of bad circumstance was going to happen soon and that God was giving me that quote to lean on when the time came.
The next day, Hunter called to tell me that he was moving back to Dallas. I just remember feeling so heartbroken because we had been on that missions trip to Blaine, KY the week before and it had seemed like there was something between the two of us while we were there. Plus, the kids in the youth group kept saying that we should be together. My point is that God prepared me on that Sunday night for some bad news and I'm certain that he prepared me again for this past Tuesday night.
Now I just need to cry a little bit more and actually feel something. After that, I'm completely ready to return to having joy and hope.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Something to ponder...
We've been going through "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan at church and this is a question that he wrote about in the book:
"The critical question for our generation—and for every generation— is this: If you could have heaven, with no sickness, and with all the friends you ever had on earth, and all the food you ever liked, and all the leisure activities you ever enjoyed, and all the natural beauties you ever saw, all the physical pleasures you ever tasted, and no human conflict or any natural disasters, could you be satisfied with heaven, if Christ were not there? " — John Piper (God Is the Gospel: Meditations on God's Love as the Gift of Himself)
This was a difficult question for me to answer at first because it wasn't something I had ever really thought about. When I picture heaven, I just think about the fact that everything will be perfect and I'll be there with Jesus. I had never thought about whether heaven could be perfect without Jesus, though. Then I thought that I might be okay with it because it sounds like there wouldn't be any problems there and that wouldn't be so bad.
As I thought about it more, I realized that I have had a few perfect days here on earth. For example, the perfect summer day of going to the beach with friends, playing in the waves, eating frozen yogurt, and having a barbecue. Or the perfect winter day of having a pillow fight, snowball fight, watching Faerie Tale Theatre, making hot chocolate, and playing Scrabble. Those were fun and simple days where all of the things that John Piper talked about in his quote were happening. One of the reasons that they were just right was because of being aware of God's presence during them. They would have been empty and meaningless if I hadn't been thinking
about the beauty that He has created on earth. Basically, it's next to impossible to see dolphins swimming in the ocean or deer gathered in a snowy field and not believe in God. So, I've gotten a tiny taste of what heaven will be like and I don't want to go there if it means that I don't get to be with Jesus.
In the words of one of my favorite worship songs ever, "Better is one day in your courts than thousands elsewhere."
"The critical question for our generation—and for every generation— is this: If you could have heaven, with no sickness, and with all the friends you ever had on earth, and all the food you ever liked, and all the leisure activities you ever enjoyed, and all the natural beauties you ever saw, all the physical pleasures you ever tasted, and no human conflict or any natural disasters, could you be satisfied with heaven, if Christ were not there? " — John Piper (God Is the Gospel: Meditations on God's Love as the Gift of Himself)
This was a difficult question for me to answer at first because it wasn't something I had ever really thought about. When I picture heaven, I just think about the fact that everything will be perfect and I'll be there with Jesus. I had never thought about whether heaven could be perfect without Jesus, though. Then I thought that I might be okay with it because it sounds like there wouldn't be any problems there and that wouldn't be so bad.
As I thought about it more, I realized that I have had a few perfect days here on earth. For example, the perfect summer day of going to the beach with friends, playing in the waves, eating frozen yogurt, and having a barbecue. Or the perfect winter day of having a pillow fight, snowball fight, watching Faerie Tale Theatre, making hot chocolate, and playing Scrabble. Those were fun and simple days where all of the things that John Piper talked about in his quote were happening. One of the reasons that they were just right was because of being aware of God's presence during them. They would have been empty and meaningless if I hadn't been thinking
about the beauty that He has created on earth. Basically, it's next to impossible to see dolphins swimming in the ocean or deer gathered in a snowy field and not believe in God. So, I've gotten a tiny taste of what heaven will be like and I don't want to go there if it means that I don't get to be with Jesus.
In the words of one of my favorite worship songs ever, "Better is one day in your courts than thousands elsewhere."
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Day 24- Matthew 18:12-14
I'm writing about this one because I thought that it was happening to me today. I was afraid that one of the preschoolers at church (the pastor's kid, Jackson, specifically) had disappeared because he said he was going to put something away in the other room and didn't come back after a couple of minutes. I went to look for him, but couldn't go far or the other 3 kids I was watching would be left unattended. Luckily, there was a lady who showed up at the door of the classroom and she said that she could go to look for him. She came back and said that she had found him in church with his mom. He had been hanging out in the classroom before church started, but he wasn't checked in yet. Plus, he usually sits with his mom in the service during worship. It turns out that the kids at church are allowed to roam freely if their parents haven't checked them in, but the preschool teacher in me still felt responsible for him. Chalk it up to a year of making sure that there is 1 adult per 8 kids and making sure that they're never out of sight.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Another cute kid story... I didn't think I'd ever get to write one of these again.
I got to work at the CDC on Thursday because of being back in Kentucky and it was so great to see those kids again! I had missed them SOOO much! One of the ones that I had missed the most was Mya because she's hilarious and spunky. She ended up staying until 3pm on Thursday because her dad wasn't able to pick her up until then. We played Memory while she was waiting for him and here's what happened when she flipped over one pair of cards:
Mya and Jenna: Ohhh, it's a bird and a bee (both of us disappointed that it wasn't a matching pair for her).
Mya: Well, THAT'S awkward.
(I just started laughing and then I realized that it was kind of awkward since it was a bird and a bee, but I didn't say anything.)
Mya: I don't even know what awkward MEANS!
I think she had learned that word because her sister's in high school and probably uses it a lot, but it was really cute. Those little kids still have my heart.
Mya and Jenna: Ohhh, it's a bird and a bee (both of us disappointed that it wasn't a matching pair for her).
Mya: Well, THAT'S awkward.
(I just started laughing and then I realized that it was kind of awkward since it was a bird and a bee, but I didn't say anything.)
Mya: I don't even know what awkward MEANS!
I think she had learned that word because her sister's in high school and probably uses it a lot, but it was really cute. Those little kids still have my heart.
Day 19- Mark 10:35-45
Church was about these verses today, so Pastor Steve showed a short video about Christians in India who are standing up for Jesus, even though they'll be persecuted for not following Hinduism. His point was that Christians in America shouldn't complain about their problems because they're so insignificant when compared to so many other problems that are going on in the world. This seems to be an underlying theme in my life during the past week and here's another example of why...
During the reflection time at WorkFest on Friday, another student stood up to talk about his experience that week. He had been in the military and I'm pretty sure that he had been in combat in Afghanistan. He said that he had come into the week thinking that the circumstances he had been through were going to be worse than any of the other people he was going to encounter that week. Then he ended up on a crew with two girls who had survived cancer. He thought that they were much stronger than him because of what they had gone through. He was also impressed with their joy and their desire to serve others.
I think the most amazing part of it all was how God-ordained that crew was... our week had 6 or 7 colleges with probably 8-15 people from each of them. The crews are assigned fairly randomly (I think skill and gender are taken into account, but that's about it), so most of the people on each crew haven't met before the beginning of the week. To think that there was one crew with two girls who had survived cancer and one guy who had fought in a war had to be more than a coincidence because I'm sure that God was allowing them to learn from each other during the week. It also goes to show that one person's area of brokenness can eventually become their way of ministering to others.
Question: When was a time that you realized how small your problems were when you compared them to another person's?
During the reflection time at WorkFest on Friday, another student stood up to talk about his experience that week. He had been in the military and I'm pretty sure that he had been in combat in Afghanistan. He said that he had come into the week thinking that the circumstances he had been through were going to be worse than any of the other people he was going to encounter that week. Then he ended up on a crew with two girls who had survived cancer. He thought that they were much stronger than him because of what they had gone through. He was also impressed with their joy and their desire to serve others.
I think the most amazing part of it all was how God-ordained that crew was... our week had 6 or 7 colleges with probably 8-15 people from each of them. The crews are assigned fairly randomly (I think skill and gender are taken into account, but that's about it), so most of the people on each crew haven't met before the beginning of the week. To think that there was one crew with two girls who had survived cancer and one guy who had fought in a war had to be more than a coincidence because I'm sure that God was allowing them to learn from each other during the week. It also goes to show that one person's area of brokenness can eventually become their way of ministering to others.
Question: When was a time that you realized how small your problems were when you compared them to another person's?
Friday, March 12, 2010
Day 18- Hebrews 13:1-2
This week at WorkFest showed me how important it is to treat people with kindness, even if they're doing things that may be getting on my nerves. One of the college students on the purple crew wasn't the most annoying person I had ever met, but there were definitely times when I thought that he was making the same comments too much or beating the dead horse with his jokes. I was able to see the good in him, though, and I got to work with him a lot when it came to putting siding on the house. We even installed a window together, which was kind of difficult because there were a few times when we were afraid it would come crashing down on us.
As the week went on, I felt privileged to have gotten to know him and I ended up liking that quirky side to him. At the reflection time this morning, he was the first person to stand up and talk about his week. He said that he had come into the week thinking that he didn't have any love to give and he didn't think that people in this world could be nice. He also talked about how you don't always know what a person is going through and they may be incredibly unhappy on the inside. He went on to talk about how that had changed this week because of the people that he had met and I started to cry a little because I had gotten to work with him so much. Everyone on our crew had written words of affirmation to each other and the one that he had written to me said, "Thank you for being a friend, for not being scared by my oddness. You helped me to see that people can be nice and I thank you." Jess told me that he had written something along those lines to her, too, so it was great to realize that his life had been impacted in such a positive way by 10 other people.
After the things that he said and wrote, I'm more aware than ever about the importance of treating all people with kindness and respect. There have been too many times in my life that I've met people who were on the odd side and I didn't know what to do, so I would just try to avoid them. This experience showed me that you never know what someone's going through and it's better to take the time to get to know them.
Question: When was a time that you were annoyed by another person and still chose to love them? When was a time that you avoided someone or ignored them because they were doing something you didn't like?
As the week went on, I felt privileged to have gotten to know him and I ended up liking that quirky side to him. At the reflection time this morning, he was the first person to stand up and talk about his week. He said that he had come into the week thinking that he didn't have any love to give and he didn't think that people in this world could be nice. He also talked about how you don't always know what a person is going through and they may be incredibly unhappy on the inside. He went on to talk about how that had changed this week because of the people that he had met and I started to cry a little because I had gotten to work with him so much. Everyone on our crew had written words of affirmation to each other and the one that he had written to me said, "Thank you for being a friend, for not being scared by my oddness. You helped me to see that people can be nice and I thank you." Jess told me that he had written something along those lines to her, too, so it was great to realize that his life had been impacted in such a positive way by 10 other people.
After the things that he said and wrote, I'm more aware than ever about the importance of treating all people with kindness and respect. There have been too many times in my life that I've met people who were on the odd side and I didn't know what to do, so I would just try to avoid them. This experience showed me that you never know what someone's going through and it's better to take the time to get to know them.
Question: When was a time that you were annoyed by another person and still chose to love them? When was a time that you avoided someone or ignored them because they were doing something you didn't like?
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Day 17- Philippians 2:1-5
I think that I was able to witness the attitude of Christ this week because of WorkFest. All of the people on our crew were working together toward the common goal of fixing up Jerry and Chris' house. Every person on the purple crew had such a positive attitude and I don't think I heard a complaint out of any of them. We had some great discussions at lunch time as well, such as, "What's the definition of love?" and "What's the meaning of life?" (we didn't come up with definite answers to either question, but it was still fun to hear everyone's ideas).
I was also privileged to witness the attitudes of Chuck and Fred this week. Chuck is in his 60's and Fred was probably a little bit older than that. They both have such a strong relationship with God, which is evident through their actions. They were so patient with everyone as they were explaining tasks to them and they remembered to make sure that there was always work for people. I'm very lucky to have met and worked with all of these people!
Question: Who have you met that has modeled Christ's love through their actions? What were some of the qualities that those people had?
I was also privileged to witness the attitudes of Chuck and Fred this week. Chuck is in his 60's and Fred was probably a little bit older than that. They both have such a strong relationship with God, which is evident through their actions. They were so patient with everyone as they were explaining tasks to them and they remembered to make sure that there was always work for people. I'm very lucky to have met and worked with all of these people!
Question: Who have you met that has modeled Christ's love through their actions? What were some of the qualities that those people had?
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Day 14- Romans 12:2-13
God has given each person their individual gifts and it's a good idea for each of us to grow more in those gifts. I remember being at CAP and there were so many places to serve there, so it was just a matter of finding the place where you would do the best. I had a few conversations with other volunteers about whether it was a good idea to continue serving in something that wasn't your strength. I think we came to the conclusion that it's great to try new things, but you don't have to continue doing something once you've established that it's not what you're gifted at.
For example, when I did housing for 1 week last summer, I discovered that it's not something I would be able to do full-time. I had fun during that week and I learned a lot, but I'm aware that it probably took me 3 times as long to do anything and I had to re-do a lot of things more often than that. Working with kids was something that I was good at and I was able to do full-time. Yes, it was exhausting and challenging, but in a good way that was using my strengths.
My point is that if everyone knew what they were good at and made sure that they were doing those things well, then amazing things could be done in this world.
Question: Name a time when you continued to do something that you knew you weren't good at because you felt you should? What is something that you know you're good at that will also allow you to grow?
For example, when I did housing for 1 week last summer, I discovered that it's not something I would be able to do full-time. I had fun during that week and I learned a lot, but I'm aware that it probably took me 3 times as long to do anything and I had to re-do a lot of things more often than that. Working with kids was something that I was good at and I was able to do full-time. Yes, it was exhausting and challenging, but in a good way that was using my strengths.
My point is that if everyone knew what they were good at and made sure that they were doing those things well, then amazing things could be done in this world.
Question: Name a time when you continued to do something that you knew you weren't good at because you felt you should? What is something that you know you're good at that will also allow you to grow?
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Day 13- I Thessalonians 5:16-18
I remember reading about these verses in "The Hiding Place" by Corrie Ten Boom. She wrote about the fact that her sister and herself were locked in a room with other women in a concentration camp. They had a Bible with them and they would have a Bible study with the other women. Her sister kept encouraging them with this verse and began to give thanks for everything in that room, including the fleas. Corrie thought she was crazy for thanking God for the fleas, but she appreciated her sister's willingness to be thankful for everything.
Later on, they found out that the guards tried to avoid coming to their living quarters because the conditions were so bad. The fleas were one of the worst things about going there for them. Since they avoided going to where they lived, the women were able to worship God freely and read the Bible without much fear of punishment. How amazing to think that thanking God for the fleas could change the lives of so many women and allow them to learn more about Him!
Question: What have the fleas in your life been? Did you know that you should be thankful for them while you were going through that particular situation?
Later on, they found out that the guards tried to avoid coming to their living quarters because the conditions were so bad. The fleas were one of the worst things about going there for them. Since they avoided going to where they lived, the women were able to worship God freely and read the Bible without much fear of punishment. How amazing to think that thanking God for the fleas could change the lives of so many women and allow them to learn more about Him!
Question: What have the fleas in your life been? Did you know that you should be thankful for them while you were going through that particular situation?
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Day 12- Romans 8:28-30
Yes, I skipped a few days, but it was because the ones that I had written on days 9-11 were too personal or they were just lame... I'm sure that will happen a few more times during this Lent experience. Moving on...
Everything in life happens for a reason and there is a purpose, even if it's hard to understand at the time. The one that sticks out in my mind was when my friend, Kirk Cutrell, died during our sophomore year of high school. I remember trying so hard to understand why he died an unexpected death at the age of 15 and thinking there could never be any good that came from it. It wasn't until I was teaching high school and 4 students died during my 2 years there, that I realized how much that tragic situation had caused me to learn. I was able to relate to what those kids were going through because I had been in the exact same situation when I was their age. I'm sure that other people who dealt with Kirk's death also had learning experiences that were different from mine, but I think that a lot of us were able to apply that terrible situation later on in life. I would still rather have him here on earth, but I know that his dying caused myself and others to break. I also know that one's area of brokenness can usually end up being their greatest ministry.
Question: When was a time that you suffered tragedy and were later able to see God's hand in it?
Everything in life happens for a reason and there is a purpose, even if it's hard to understand at the time. The one that sticks out in my mind was when my friend, Kirk Cutrell, died during our sophomore year of high school. I remember trying so hard to understand why he died an unexpected death at the age of 15 and thinking there could never be any good that came from it. It wasn't until I was teaching high school and 4 students died during my 2 years there, that I realized how much that tragic situation had caused me to learn. I was able to relate to what those kids were going through because I had been in the exact same situation when I was their age. I'm sure that other people who dealt with Kirk's death also had learning experiences that were different from mine, but I think that a lot of us were able to apply that terrible situation later on in life. I would still rather have him here on earth, but I know that his dying caused myself and others to break. I also know that one's area of brokenness can usually end up being their greatest ministry.
Question: When was a time that you suffered tragedy and were later able to see God's hand in it?
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Day 8- Isaiah 40:29-31
Warren Wiersbe told a story about a little boy and girl who were climbing. The little boy said something to her about how rocky and bumpy it was on the hill, so it was making it difficult for him to walk. The little girl said to him, "That's okay, the bumps are what you climb on." I loved that little story and it has stuck with me since I read it five years ago. It's true that there are times when you have to grow because of the bad stuff you're going through, but it will make you stronger.
Question: What were some bumps in your life that God gave you the opportunity to climb on?
Question: What were some bumps in your life that God gave you the opportunity to climb on?
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Day 7- Matthew 22:36-40
Once again, it all comes back to love. I had never realized that Jesus said that the 2nd Commandment, "Love your neighbor as yourself," was EQUALLY as important as, "Love the Lord your God will all your heart, soul, strength, and mind." I think the reason he said that it was equally important was because you can't have one without the other. Someone can't love the Lord with all of their being, then do something hateful to another person. If they love the Lord, then their words and actions are going to reflect that.
Question: When was a time that you claimed to love Jesus, but there were people in your life that you weren't loving?
Question: When was a time that you claimed to love Jesus, but there were people in your life that you weren't loving?
Monday, February 22, 2010
Day 6- Luke 9:46-48
Shane Claiborne spoke at Ichthus last year and he was talking about his experiences in working with Mother Teresa in India. He said that he remembered her feet being pretty torn up and gnarled. I don't remember if he asked her how they got like that because I can't imagine him asking her, "Why are your feet so ugly?" He did find out that it was because they received shoe donations on occasion at their home and they always had just enough for each person who lived there to have one pair. She would go through the shoes, give all of them away, and keep the worst pair for herself. She put everyone's needs ahead of her own and that's a huge reason that she is remembered as one of the greatest people in history.
Question: What is something you can do to make yourself the least among others?
Question: What is something you can do to make yourself the least among others?
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Day 5- Proverbs 4:20-27
This passage of scripture includes Proverbs 4:23, "Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life." You know... the one that many Christians like to use when warning single people not to open up too quickly to the opposite sex because they might end up getting hurt. When I read all of this together, though, it put into perspective what the Father's wise advice is. I had heard someone say before that you should guard the good things in your life as well. They were talking about remembering the good, pure things that have happened in your life and keeping them with you when you're dealing with issues at the present time.
One example from my own life was when I was 14 years old and at Magic Mountain on a youth group trip. I remember looking up at Colossus while we were walking back from the parking lot and thinking that nothing in this life is going to matter when it's all said and done. All that will matter in the end is that I've known Jesus and have told people about Him in order for them to know Him.
It's been over half my life since that thought crossed my mind, but it's also been one that I've kept close to my heart because I know that it was from God. Remembering that experience has helped when times were tough. Like the 2 month time period when one of my friends passed away, I got an ear infection that left me deaf for about a week, and I got the chicken pox. Remembering the Colossus experience during times like that made me more aware of God showing His love to me.
Question: What is a good thing that has happened to you that you need to keep close to your heart?
One example from my own life was when I was 14 years old and at Magic Mountain on a youth group trip. I remember looking up at Colossus while we were walking back from the parking lot and thinking that nothing in this life is going to matter when it's all said and done. All that will matter in the end is that I've known Jesus and have told people about Him in order for them to know Him.
It's been over half my life since that thought crossed my mind, but it's also been one that I've kept close to my heart because I know that it was from God. Remembering that experience has helped when times were tough. Like the 2 month time period when one of my friends passed away, I got an ear infection that left me deaf for about a week, and I got the chicken pox. Remembering the Colossus experience during times like that made me more aware of God showing His love to me.
Question: What is a good thing that has happened to you that you need to keep close to your heart?
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Day 4- Psalm 37:4-7
Up until a few years ago, I had thought that Psalm 37:4 meant that I would get what I wanted when I took delight in the Lord. Sort of like He was a genie who would grant my wishes if I was nice to Him and did the things I was supposed to. Tim Yee spoke about this verse and was saying that God plants certain desires in each of us when we're taking delight in Him. If I'm truly worshiping God with my entire life, then I'll know the things that I'm supposed to do. If I light up around kids or people with disabilities, then He's showing me that it's my heart's desire to work with those populations of people. Being still in God's presence, waiting patiently for Him to act. These are times when He reveals Himself to each of us.
Question: When have you known that you were taking delight in the Lord? Did He show you anything about your desires at that time?
Question: When have you known that you were taking delight in the Lord? Did He show you anything about your desires at that time?
Friday, February 19, 2010
Day 3- Matthew 6:19-34
I remember working part-time at Project Independence in 2005 and taking 1 week off during the summer to be a counselor at Royal Family Kids' Camp. It was right before I started teaching at Deerfield and I think I got down to about $5 in my checking and savings accounts. I wasn't sure whether I was going to make it to the next paycheck, but I did. God provided for me and I was able to make ends meet during that time. The bottom line is that there is no use in worrying about anything because I can't control any of it anyway. Easier said than done, though, since I'm going to be unemployed in the next 2 weeks. It's funny because last year I only received $150/month and it was fine. I don't think I ever worried about money last year because I still had some left over from teaching and I wasn't paying rent. This year, I rented an apartment, so I ended up spending a lot of money on furniture and have been more worried about my finances since getting a job. I know that the Lord will provide and I just need to trust Him on that.
Question: When was a time that you were completely worried and God did something to ease your mind? Have you ever had a time when you weren't worried about something stressful and God took care of it?
Question: When was a time that you were completely worried and God did something to ease your mind? Have you ever had a time when you weren't worried about something stressful and God took care of it?
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Day 2- I Corinthians 13:1-3
Ginny Owens sings a song called, "I Am Nothing," and it's mostly about these verses. There have been so many times in my life when I've done things for the Lord and/or other people because I thought that I was supposed to. It's my internal Christian checklist: read the Bible, pray, go to church, write in my journal, go to a Bible study, listen to worship music, don't cuss, volunteer somewhere regularly, go on missions trips, etc., etc. These are all great things to do, but they absolutely don't matter if I'm not being a loving person. For example, if I'm talking behind someone's back or am getting annoyed with lame topics that people talk about.
If I'm truly doing something out of love in general, then that's the time that I'm living life the way I should. That is what will make me a light for Jesus to others. It's tricky, though, because I know how easy it is to overanalyze everything. Am I going to Romania because God is leading me there and He's telling me that I'll point people to Him by going? Or am I going because that sounds fun and I heard that we'll get to go to Transylvania while we're there? (Transylvania wasn't my purpose in going to Romania, but it's kind of cool that I've been there now). Am I reading the Bible because I want to learn more about God? Or is it because it's part of my daily routine and I'm afraid I won't understand things that happen in my life if I haven't read it that day?
I guess the bottom line is that I need to be a loving person first and the motives for everything else won't matter because I'm doing what I'm supposed to by loving others. Being loving is the opposite of being selfish, so I'm pretty sure that anything I do out of love for people and Jesus is going to be the right thing.
Question: When was a time that you did something "Christian-y" out of obligation? When was a time that you did something out of love?
If I'm truly doing something out of love in general, then that's the time that I'm living life the way I should. That is what will make me a light for Jesus to others. It's tricky, though, because I know how easy it is to overanalyze everything. Am I going to Romania because God is leading me there and He's telling me that I'll point people to Him by going? Or am I going because that sounds fun and I heard that we'll get to go to Transylvania while we're there? (Transylvania wasn't my purpose in going to Romania, but it's kind of cool that I've been there now). Am I reading the Bible because I want to learn more about God? Or is it because it's part of my daily routine and I'm afraid I won't understand things that happen in my life if I haven't read it that day?
I guess the bottom line is that I need to be a loving person first and the motives for everything else won't matter because I'm doing what I'm supposed to by loving others. Being loving is the opposite of being selfish, so I'm pretty sure that anything I do out of love for people and Jesus is going to be the right thing.
Question: When was a time that you did something "Christian-y" out of obligation? When was a time that you did something out of love?
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Day 1- Ecclesiastes 7:1-4
Church on Sunday was all about Ecclesiastes 7 and it was also included in Chapter 2 of "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan, which our small group was going over this week. With that little introduction...
On our refrigerator in Kentucky, there was a quote that said, "When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life so that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice." I've heard so many stories about people who truly lived their lives for Christ and they ended up dying at an early age for completely unexpected reasons. For example, I read the biography of Rachel Scott, one of the girls who was killed in the Columbine shootings. She was a teenager who loved Jesus more than anything, but one thing she said was, "I am not going to apologize for speaking the name of Jesus, I am not going to justify my faith to them, and I am not going to hide the light that God has put in me. If I have to sacrifice everything... I will." She seemed to realize at a very young age how temporary everything is in life and all she seemed to want was to glorify God while she walked this earth. Even though her death was tragic, she left behind a legacy for many to remember her because she was willing to give up everything for her Savior.
Question: How do you want to be remembered when you die? Are you doing things in your life right now that will allow you to be remembered in the way that you want to?
On our refrigerator in Kentucky, there was a quote that said, "When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life so that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice." I've heard so many stories about people who truly lived their lives for Christ and they ended up dying at an early age for completely unexpected reasons. For example, I read the biography of Rachel Scott, one of the girls who was killed in the Columbine shootings. She was a teenager who loved Jesus more than anything, but one thing she said was, "I am not going to apologize for speaking the name of Jesus, I am not going to justify my faith to them, and I am not going to hide the light that God has put in me. If I have to sacrifice everything... I will." She seemed to realize at a very young age how temporary everything is in life and all she seemed to want was to glorify God while she walked this earth. Even though her death was tragic, she left behind a legacy for many to remember her because she was willing to give up everything for her Savior.
Question: How do you want to be remembered when you die? Are you doing things in your life right now that will allow you to be remembered in the way that you want to?
Lent
I've never given up anything for Lent before and I won't be giving up anything this year, either. I did decide that I needed to add something to my life for the next 40 days in order to grow closer to Jesus. I'm planning on writing devotions in my journal every day for the next 40 days and I'll be writing those on here as often as I can. The verses will be ones that I've memorized or have underlined in my Bible because I figure I can write about those better than, say, random scriptures from Obadiah. Each day, I'll write about something that has happened in my life or about stories that I've heard that are applicable to the scripture passage. I'm going to ask at least one question with each one that I write in order for the 3 of you who may be reading this to apply it to your own lives. I have a feeling that it'll be difficult to keep this up for 40 days in a row, but I guess it will also be showing me what Lent is about.
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