Humbled

As I've gotten older, I've realized that there are all sorts of different ways that people handle life. Some of them are what I like to call "paper people," and then there are the rest (I don't have a name for them, but maybe I'll think of one by the time I finish writing this). I want to talk about the paper people because I'm beginning to think that I became one of those for awhile. They are the ones whose lives look great to outsiders... they have the degrees, the career, the house, etc., that make people think that this is a great person. It doesn't, though, because the thing that is missing from all of that is depth and love. This is not to say that everyone who has those things is shallow and/or hateful, it's just to say that there's more to life than what we have accomplished in the eyes of other people.

I have my master's degree, I spent the past 3 years as a special ed. teacher, I volunteered for 4 years with a boy who lives in a group home, and I live in a beautiful house with 4 other girls who are amazing individuals. All of these things sound great to other people and look good on paper, but I let them define who I am when they really didn't matter. I spent a good portion of the past year being unhappy because I was trying to live up to a set of expectations that no one cared about and I didn't want to quit anything because I was afraid of failing others. It ended up that I was spending so much time doing things for others and I wasn't taking the time to love them or get to know them. I was so caught up in trying to do the right thing (while burning out) and I failed at the thing which is the most important (loving others).

Right now I'm working at the Beach Pit BBQ and I love it! My coworkers are great and I'm always surprised at how kind they are to everyone. I've heard about 3 negative comments from any of them about anyone else during the 6 weeks or so that I've worked there. They're people that I probably never would have gotten to know otherwise, but I'm so thankful for it because it has shown me that a person's accomplishments have nothing to do with how they treat others. That's what is more important than anything and I'm learning it by seeing the actions of people who are still in high school and college.

When I'm there, there's a part of me that's thinking about how I used to be a teacher. It's a profession that people usually think pretty highly of because of making a difference in the life of a child. When I think that, I realize that I was defining how valuable I am as a person by my career choice. The other part of me is thinking about how I'm having fun doing this, even though it's not a job that's going to change anyone's life (although the blueberry cornbread is pretty amazing and can bring a lot of joy to others). Then I look at the people around me and realize that I'm learning from them. I'm learning to treat others equally, to realize that what they've accomplished doesn't matter, and to find out what they're like as individuals.

It's funny because we're going through the book of Galatians in bible study right now and a lot of Paul's writing has to do with God's grace and the fact that we can't earn our salvation. Galatians 3:5 says, "I ask you again, does God give you the Holy Spirit and work miracles among you because you obey the law? Of course not! It is because you believe the message you heard about Christ." That's what I've been doing my entire life... trying so hard to do the right thing, follow the rules, etc., that I'm taking everything into my own hands and not putting my faith in Jesus. I don't have to accomplish anything in my life for Him to love me because I have His grace. I'm finally experiencing His grace by letting go of the things I held onto for so long that were causing me to burn out and by taking on a job that is causing me to learn more about Him and love for other people.

This summer has been one of the happiest times in my life because of learning these things, getting to spend quality time with friends and family, finally being content with being single, and being excited over this new adventure that is most likely going to take place in Kentucky :). I've finally realized that I'm one lucky girl who is loved unconditionally by God.