Conversation at the Plasma Center

I have been attempting to donate plasma at different points during the past couple of months and this is what happened there about a month ago. I was sitting in the bed with the book, "Christianish," by Mark Steele in my lap. I had turned it over to make sure that no one could see the title, just in case I flipped out or got mean while being stuck with a needle. As I was sitting there, needle in my arm, book in my lap, and trying to watch the recap on ESPN of the Lakers winning the NBA Finals, they brought a guy over to the bed next to mine. Here's a synopsis of what happened:

Josh: What book are you reading?
Jenna: It's called, "Christianish"... it's one I've already read, but this guy is a really funny writer and I figured it would help the time pass quickly while I waited here.
Josh: Can I see it?
Jenna (passing it over to him): Sure!
Josh (taking the time to read the back of the book): Is this about holiness or something?
Jenna: It's more about the things the writer has been through and how he's lived out his faith during those times.

Josh started thumbing through the book, so I figured he was actually interested in what it was about. I told him, "Here, you should read this chapter because it's really funny." I usually hate it when people ask me to read something that's good or funny in front of them, but I felt confident that he really would think it was hilarious.

I turned it to the chapter that is about his sons' reactions to pain in life. He wrote about how his sons, Jackson and Charlie, got into trouble one night for lying about playing with their toys when they should have been in bed an hour before. He told them they were going to get spankings and witnessed a major difference in their reactions. Jackson became very upset and was going to do anything to avoid getting spanked. Some quotes of his while he was about to get spanked were:

"I MUST HAVE A GLASS OF WATER FIRST! I'M THIIIIIRSTY!"
"NOW I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!"
"YOU CAN'T SPANK ME BECAUSE I'LL PEE! I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM FIRST!"
and my personal favorite... "YOU'LL WHACK THE PEE OUT OF ME!"

The kid became so upset about getting spanked that he ended up vomiting because of his anxiety. Once it was over, though, he was fine. He felt bad about breaking his parents' rules and knew that the spanking was a consequence from that.

Charlie, on the other hand, is quite charming and covers up how he feels about getting spanked. My favorite part is the conversation that occurs between his mom and him.

Charlie: I'm not gonna do anyfing Jackson is doing when I go get MY spanking.
Kaysie: You're not, huh?
Charlie: Nope, I'm gonna walk wight in and jus' get spanked.
Kaysie: That's a good idea, Charlie.
Charlie: I do not wike it when Daddy spanks me.
Kaysie: I'll bet you don't.
Charlie: I wike it when you spank me.
Kaysie (nonchalantly): Oh really? Why?
Charlie: Because when Daddy spanks me, it hurts- but when you spank me, it does not...
I pwobably should not have told you dat.
Kaysie: Tell you what, son. From now on we'll let Daddy do all your spankings.
Charlie (sighing): Yep. I definitewy should not have told you dat.

Josh was laughing out loud at certain points during the chapter, so I knew he was enjoying it. He even read one part to a nurse who was walking by because he thought it was so funny. When he was finished with the chapter, he handed it back to me and said something along the lines of, "It's true. There are so many Christians who cover up what they're going through and they don't let their real feelings show." I told him that I agreed because there have been a lot of times in my life when I've pretended that everything was all right, instead of allowing myself to be honest about how I feel. I didn't get to say much more to him because I was finished with my donation, but I was glad that we had talked to each other and that I got to share that book with him.

I guess the moral of the story is that people who aren't Christians are more likely to listen to a Jackson than a Charlie because the Jackson's of the world are willing to be honest about their feelings toward difficult situations.

Sweet Victory!

Last night, Emmy and I watched the Lakers win the NBA Finals for the 2nd year in a row and it was glorious. The reason I'm writing this, though, is because of the random events surrounding the game...

I texted her to see if she wanted to watch the game at Applebee's because they have a sweet ice cream cookie sandwich and it would be nice to watch it with a lot of people around. I also knew that they'd be playing the game there because Kim and Jenny had been kind enough to watch it with me when they came to visit a couple of weeks ago. She wrote back and said that she'd rather watch it in the Student Center at Regent in order to keep from spending money. I was about 14% disappointed because I figured that no one else would be watching the game there, but I was 86% okay with it because it meant that I wouldn't be spending money, either.


I got to the Student Center at exactly 9pm and there was a man who was probably in his mid-late 50's who had the TV on. I was worried for a second that he wasn't watching the game and asked, "You're going to be watching the game, right?" (thinking back, it's not like he seemed the SYTYCD type.) He said that he was going to be watching the game, then asked if I was rooting for the Celtics or Lakers. I told him that I was wanting the Lakers to win because I'm from California and he immediately told me that he was a Celtics fan. He was quite the talker and I started to think that it was going to be a rough night.


During the 3rd and 4th quarters, he started coaching the Celtics from his seat on the couch at Regent. Some lines yelled at the TV by him:
- "You need to get out there and coach, Doc! They're tired and they need someone to coach them right now!"
- "Don't pass it to Ray Allen! He's ice cold and missing everything!"
- "See! They're all afraid to shoot and that's why they're not winning!"


Emily texted me at one point during all of this to say, "this guy miiiight drive me nuts." I laughed and made sure not to read that aloud (thank you, Miss Kim, for teaching me that last year).

During the span of the game, a few other people showed up. There were 2 cops, Tyrone and Dave. Tyrone is a Lakers fan and was excited to watch for awhile. Dave doesn't care about basketball, but he was nice enough to bring candy back for us from someone's office. Then, Mike (another Lakers fan) came in with a pizza from Little Caesar's and shared it with us. He said to just make sure to leave 2 slices for him. After that, he insisted on getting waters for us from somewhere, which was very kind. Jeff and Buster also got there at some point during the game and I think the Celtics fan was kind of annoyed by Buster. That, of course, made Buster want to be near him during the rest of the game. The night ended up being more eventful than expected, we got free food, we met new people, and the Lakers won!

Goals

I found an old journal entry from 10/31/2001 entitled, "Things I Want To Do In My Life." I wrote down the goals that I had for my life and kind of forgot about it after that... on another note, I think it also shows my love of Halloween since I spent that evening writing in my journal, instead of trick-or-treating or hanging out with friends. Here's what I wrote and here's what has actually happened in the past 9 years:


Goal: Take a road trip by myself.
Reality: I've taken quite a few road trips by myself now. The longest one being from California to Kentucky with stops in Tuscon, AZ; Midland, TX; Dallas, TX; and middle of nowhere, AR. Unfortunately, I didn't take the time to stop at places like Graceland and the world's biggest ball of twine.

Goal: Write a book about the people that I talked to on my road trip.
Reality: I didn't do it and I should have when I had the opportunity.

Goal: Take lessons of some kind (I'm thinking piano, hip hop, karate, or ballet).
Reality: I took a hip hop class and plan to again. I got a piano for my 25th birthday and played it almost every day for 3 years until moving to Kentucky.

Goal: Take a cruise to a tropical island.
Reality: I took a cruise to Cabo San Lucas and Ensenada with Andrea.

Goal: Be a camp counselor at Hume Lake for an entire summer.
Reality: I was a camp counselor for 1 week per summer at Royal Family Kids' Camp for 4 years and 1 week at Camp Shawnee last year.

Goal: Become a guidance counselor for my career.
Reality: Became a special ed. teacher for my career and may go back to it eventually.

Goal: Become a missionary in a foreign country for 1 summer (0r maybe longer).
Reality: Went to Haiti for 3 weeks and held babies. Volunteered in Kentucky for one amazingly magical year.

Goal: Have a really cute dog.
Reality: I have to settle for a cute nephew-puppy until I have the space for my own dog.

Goal: Have season tickets for the Lakers.
Reality: I apparently thought I was going to be independently wealthy when I was 21... I'm okay with watching them win the Finals on TV every year, though.

Goal: Find the man of my dreams and marry him.
Reality: I know that will happen.

Goal: Possibly being a foster mother.
Reality: I came very close, but chickened out when I thought about how much responsibility it was. It was also at the time when I realized that I needed to take time to grieve leaving Kentucky and volunteering.

Goal: Volunteer at a hospital and play games with the kids who are sick.
Reality: This didn't happen, but I was Cameron's CASA for 4 years and I wouldn't change that for anything.

Goal: Be a sponsor in a youth group and be able to join them for any of their activities.
Reality: I've helped out with youth group activities at Essential, but not to the extent that I could.

Goal: Live in a nice place with a swimming pool.
Reality: I've lived in 4 places with them.

I think everyone should make a list of their goals occasionally because it's really fun to look back and see what's actually happened.

Consecration

I started to read "The Christian's Secret of a Happy Life," by Hannah Whitall Smith yesterday. I've owned that book for at least 5 years and a ton of authors reference it in their books, but I had never taken the time to try to understand it until now (it was written in 1870, which is probably why I never gave it much of a chance). In one of the chapters, she talks about consecration and gives a wonderful example about it. Her explanation was that if a doctor was trying to cure a patient's illness, the patient would have to trust the doctor completely. It couldn't be that the patient isn't telling the doctor all of their symptoms or that they decide to take some, but not all, of the medications the doctor prescribes. The patient needs to tell the doctor everything that is going on in their body and follow all of the doctor's instructions in order to get better. Her main point was, "God must have the whole case put into His hands, and His directions must be implicitly followed." Not a little bit of it, not some of it, but ALL of it.

She goes on to explain how scared Christians are of giving everything over to God because they are afraid He'll make them miserable. She gave the example of a mother with her child and asked what it would look like if her child chose to obey everything that she asked of him because he trusted her completely. She asked the mom, "Would you say to yourself, 'Ah, now I shall have a chance to make Charley miserable. I will take away all his pleasures and compel him to do that which is impossible." The mom said she wouldn't say that at all because she loves her son and only wants the best for him. God wants the best for His children, even more than that mom wants the best for her son, and He would not do anything to harm us.

All of this made me think about the fact that something in my life always falls apart when I sing the words to "Take My Life" and truly mean them. Especially the phrase, "Take my life and let it be consecrated, Lord, to thee." Even when I'm singing it, I realize that something bad is going to happen soon, but I know those are the times when I truly mean those words. That song came on my iPod last week as I was driving to Elizabeth City. I sang along with it wholeheartedly and T.J. broke up with me later that night. I've felt pretty upset about it, but I'm also very confident that God prepared me for what was going to happen by having me sing along with that song. He's showing me that all of this is because He loves me and wants to protect me.

As I've thought about it more, the areas in my life that need to be consecrated to the Lord are my love life, my jobs, finances, where I should live, and how I should be serving others. All of it needs to belong to Him and it does not belong in my hands anymore.

Time to count my blessings

I borrowed Season 3 of Gilmore Girls from Emily on Saturday because I'm a little tired of watching Ally McBeal and HIMYM. I have seen all of this particular season before, but I didn't remember any of the story lines. Anyway, Lorelai's or "Mimi's" monologue hit very close to home and even caused me to tear up. Right now, I absolutely feel the same way that she does, but I have to realize that all of this is for the best.

I also need to follow Luke's advice and think of the things in my life that I do have. I have an amazing, supportive family who love me unconditionally and pray for me. I have close friendships with Kim, Jenny, and Jess that have continued since volunteering in Kentucky together. I know that God led me to Essential Church because of building relationships with the people in our "Crazy Love" small group and getting to work with the preschoolers. I have a couple of jobs that I love because of getting to work with kids and still being able to do teaching. When Caitlin, one of the kids that I babysit for, runs out of the house to hug me and say, "Jenna, I missed you!" because I haven't seen her in 4 days, it's an awesome feeling. The bottom line is that I am loved and I will continue to love others.

Joy needs to be the theme.

I've been pretty upset over the past couple of days because I got rejected by a guy who I thought was going to be different than the other ones that I've been interested in. This has left a huge knot of anger in my stomach because of bottling up my emotions. I knew that I needed to cry about it today or it was going to end up being damaging to my health.

I was having trouble thinking of anything that could make me cry until I remembered the book that Emily had given to me for Christmas one year. She gave me "Chicken Soup for Jenna's Soul" and filled it with stories that various loved ones had written about things they had learned during their lives. My favorite story in there is the one that my dad had written called, "My First Daughter." I've read that one often and it's pretty much guaranteed to make me cry. I read through the majority of it and I still wasn't crying until I read the last paragraph when he wrote, "Every night, I pray for Jenna and her sister, that their relationships with God would be so good and close that nothing could steal their joy and hope." Joy and hope are the two things that I've been thinking about the most since this happened on Tuesday night. I don't have a lot of hope right now because I did think that things were going to be different with this guy and it's hard to think that I will have to look for someone else again.

The other part of the joy theme is that I was reading through old journal entries on Tuesday afternoon and I came across one where I had written down a quote from Ben Patterson. He said, "Joy is what you experience when you're grateful for the grace that God has given to you." I remember hearing him say that during a sermon at St. Andrew's and completely agreeing with him because he was saying that none of our circumstances in life matter if we're thinking about what Jesus did by dying on the cross. Then I realized that some sort of bad circumstance was going to happen soon and that God was giving me that quote to lean on when the time came.

The next day, Hunter called to tell me that he was moving back to Dallas. I just remember feeling so heartbroken because we had been on that missions trip to Blaine, KY the week before and it had seemed like there was something between the two of us while we were there. Plus, the kids in the youth group kept saying that we should be together. My point is that God prepared me on that Sunday night for some bad news and I'm certain that he prepared me again for this past Tuesday night.

Now I just need to cry a little bit more and actually feel something. After that, I'm completely ready to return to having joy and hope.

Something to ponder...

We've been going through "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan at church and this is a question that he wrote about in the book:

"The critical question for our generation—and for every generation— is this: If you could have heaven, with no sickness, and with all the friends you ever had on earth, and all the food you ever liked, and all the leisure activities you ever enjoyed, and all the natural beauties you ever saw, all the physical pleasures you ever tasted, and no human conflict or any natural disasters, could you be satisfied with heaven, if Christ were not there? " — John Piper (God Is the Gospel: Meditations on God's Love as the Gift of Himself)

This was a difficult question for me to answer at first because it wasn't something I had ever really thought about. When I picture heaven, I just think about the fact that everything will be perfect and I'll be there with Jesus. I had never thought about whether heaven could be perfect without Jesus, though. Then I thought that I might be okay with it because it sounds like there wouldn't be any problems there and that wouldn't be so bad.

As I thought about it more, I realized that I have had a few perfect days here on earth. For example, the perfect summer day of going to the beach with friends, playing in the waves, eating frozen yogurt, and having a barbecue. Or the perfect winter day of having a pillow fight, snowball fight, watching Faerie Tale Theatre, making hot chocolate, and playing Scrabble. Those were fun and simple days where all of the things that John Piper talked about in his quote were happening. One of the reasons that they were just right was because of being aware of God's presence during them. They would have been empty and meaningless if I hadn't been thinking
about the beauty that He has created on earth. Basically, it's next to impossible to see dolphins swimming in the ocean or deer gathered in a snowy field and not believe in God. So, I've gotten a tiny taste of what heaven will be like and I don't want to go there if it means that I don't get to be with Jesus.

In the words of one of my favorite worship songs ever, "Better is one day in your courts than thousands elsewhere."